Still surviving

I survived! I survived V-day in the lab, with myself and with family.. Not that bad without him.
Inside i'm still thinking about him......aaah.....why we became like that? why is this happening?
Mixed emotions all the time. Sometimes very positive, sometimes all the negative emotions playing in my mind and paralyzed me... its so painful =(

Last week, I also survived going to kl to buy IT gadgets myself. I have to start doing thing by myself, coz no one will help me to stand up except Myself!!!!! He said before to help me reformat my laptop, will go hiking together, will go to Bali this year, will lead a healthy lifestyle together, will have a future home together. All these are just sayings of what he felt at THAT particular time only. He also said before that he wont leave me, that he love me........so many things that broke my heart...

I just let my tears flow...For 2 months it has been flowing...I have a bunch of friends who support me throughout and it makes me afraid to tell them anymore about my feelings... I felt i have said enough but i still cant mend my broken heart. It keeps coming back......aah.....angry