Forgive perhaps, forget never.

Ever since being single a year plus ago, I told myself this
'If u can't be happy being single, how can you be happy in a relationship?'
And for that I hold true to myself that I should love myself, pamper and give myself what I deserve.
I did many many things to challenge myself, to make myself even more beautiful than what I already am, learn skills that I do not know and surround myself with friends whom I know are true to me.
Friends whom stood for me, friends who know my character so well and friends whom never tired of listening to me rant, friends who never stop telling me to let go and move on.
Determined that nothing is impossible, I did what I could, and I want to say this 2 months ago that 'I'm happy without you, ben. I'm happy bring single, and I'm happy that I felt happy. I'm  happy having my alone time. I do many things by myself and I'm happy that i'm capable of feeling happy. Even though, I know there is still anger and resentment in me, I know its slowly fading away. I want you totally out of my life as I deserve more than this. I deserve someone bigger, someone mature and someone who has a direction in life.

Forgive perhaps, forget never.

Blue tee and the blues inside me

I won 2 passes to watch a newly released movie last week. Wore my best high heels and watched with Blue tee. hmm... it was nice.. felt safe. had an intellectual discussion beforehand, and i was asked, 'What do I really want to become? What are your plans after post-grad?' Sad to say, i do not know. i am always the kind of person who 'follow the flow'.... and blue tee said 'my flow is kinda slow', that i needed to find myself. There is always sacrifices that need to be made in order to achieve your dreams, but firstly, what are your dreams and how are you gonna achieve it?  Nevertheless, it was a great night out with burger as dinner.

inside me, there is a problem that is out of my control to settle. every family and ppl has problems...somehow...this i could only pray. Pray that things will be alright, pray that everything will be safe, pray that things will only improve, pray that I can have peace of mind, pray that i wont be scared to face it if needed, pray that everything will be okay. but me and God, is another complicated issue altogether..

I feel scared as I have to face it alone, I feel weak but I have to act strong,
I feel powerless but I have to be stern, I feel afraid every time it happens.

Hurt enough

"You change for two reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to." 

- Anon

Grey t-shirt

When I imagine the unimaginable,
My imagination run wild,
The image stays in my crazy lil mind,
and carved a smile on my face....

I chuckled, I giggled, I laughed,
I trust, I admire, I respect,
I accept, I willingly, foolishly
At least, I smiled.

whispers in my mind

As direct as it sounded, I Miss You..... *pouts*
do you miss me as I do?
I just want a little more attention, a little more care and devotion.
sometimes i wish you will fight for me, instead of let time steer the direction of our path.

2338 hours