whispers in my mind

As direct as it sounded, I Miss You..... *pouts*
do you miss me as I do?
I just want a little more attention, a little more care and devotion.
sometimes i wish you will fight for me, instead of let time steer the direction of our path.

2338 hours

Wonderful tonight

Pabila jejari tengah sibuk menaip, tiba-tiba lagu Wonderful Tonight dimainkan di Lite FM. Lagu ini mempunyai rasa yang signifikan dalam diriku. Aku telah jatuh cinta pada kali pertama mendengar lagu ini apabila ku masih kecil dan budak lagi. Aku selalu mengidamkan Putera Charming aku akan menyanyikan atau memainkan lagu ini padaku pada masa depan. Ataupun sekadar slow dance dengan lagu ini pun jadilah. Memang jiwang dan romantik =)

Ku tersenyum menantikan suasana jiwang membuak-buak itu....

~Lagu pun tamat sudah~

Jam 1446

Bagaikan tiupan angin

Angin,
Angin berbuai sempoi,
Angin bertiup secara romantis,
Angin mendinginkan panas hati

Namun Angin,
Angin bertiup seperti tornado, tatkala,
Angin hilang sekelip mata,
Angin mengeringkan dan mengecutkan hati

Angin,
Engkau datang, Engkau pergi
Sesuka hati,
Tidak inginkah kau menjagai aku, melindungi aku?

Aku insan dibiar ditampar angin
Aku rela ditampar angin yang kekadang ada, kekadang tiada,
Aku rela dinodai tiupan angin
Aku rela dilukai angin tajam tidak beerti
Demi Cinta yang tiada kepastian.

Jam 1744

Quiet night

There are times at night, where your body is tired, there are still things to do, you are tearing and fingers are typing out words to fill up the Word document.

Aah... I want someone badly. Only music from radio filling up the empty house. I want my bee with me, but the bee flew away from me....mmmm....

Malaysian time :11pm

Tonguetied

I just finished watching glee season 3, better late then never =)
Everybody was Tonguetied admiring their champion trophy. After working for so hard, they deserved it.
I always felt I haven't put in enough, always so lazy.... So many results to analysed and do for the thesis. The thesis is now kinda empty with skeleton only. So many small small things to do...
Even though busy, i still long for ...
Mm....

Endurance in Loving a person

Reading 'And the clock strikes 20' in Star2 Sunday Star, moved me. I was tearing when I read what the writer wrote about love.

If we accept that we’re all human beings, and that all human beings are born imperfect, then we have to nurture self-acceptance and forgiveness. No holding grudges, no hurt feelings, no looking back, but just keep moving forward.
Ask me the secret recipe of this cake called marriage, and I’ll say it’s truckloads of trust, respect and compromise. Love is just the marzipan on the cake, and beauty will eventually fade away. What remains is the make-up of internal beauty, led by the heart and controlled by the brains.
All good relationships are based on trust and loyalty – both rare commodities. Just like your heart, the strength of a marriage can be determined by a stress test: this starts off slowly, then it gets faster and faster over time. And depending on your level of endurance, some will make it to a higher level, while some will give up mid-way.
Endurance is key, and it’s for this sole reason that very few remain happily married. Most “stay married”, some push the reset button, and the braver ones simply “choose to adhere” to the Sunnah.
Some say marriage kills romance. I say it’s easy to fall in love, but it’s tough to be in love. Falling in love is just a one-off affair, whilst being in love is present, constant and continuous. The same applies to “loving” a person or “being in love” with a person. Two different states of mind.

Above points are what I would like to highlight and also a reminder for myself. Lastly, what attracted me the most is......... 
They say time flies when you are having fun. In psychology, they say truly happy couples will mirror each other in posture and stance. We have gone way beyond mirroring. After 20 years, the same thoughts run parallel in my mind and his, resulting in him completing my sentence or giving the same answer to a question posed.
When words are no longer necessary to express each other’s feelings and thoughts, you know you’ve crossed the bridge!

 I was smiling as I knew instinctively that WE experienced that.

Mirroring each others antics, words, action, way of speaking,
Same thoughts ran through our mind and we blurted out the exact same word out at the same time with the same excitement, same laughter while looking at each other,
How we are able to make each other laugh (and cry),
How being with each other provides much comfort,
How our connection is so strong like two opposite poles of magnet,
When words no longer necessary to express each others feelings, we only need to feel it...


Babe, I'm terrified





 

I still miss him

At times like these, i just dun feel like doing anything. I just feel like hanging there, don't know what to do. I suddenly miss him. Miss his presence, miss his laughter, miss his mischievous jokes, just miss him. Why he do this to me? Why does he poisoned me this way? or rather if i turn another way round, Why I allow it to happen to me.... (I shall think about it).

I've let go but he came back as a close friend.
I've let go but he care for me even more than before.
I know i've let go as I am able to smile again.
I know i've let go as I do not hold grudge against him. I just... miss him.

Off to body pump....

You have lost me

You have lost me, things I shouldn't know surfaced,
You have lost me, promises aren't fulfilled,
You have lost me, managing your stuff brought anger,
You have lost me, caring gestures meant friendship,
You have lost me, words are just filling up conversation,
You have lost me, laughter were filled with tears thereafter,
You have lost me, you are still the same you after 6 months.
I ain't your priority.

You have lost me, I am starting to love myself again.

anger.. =(

*sharlene hong looking at her laptop and shouts...Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh............*

not satisfied......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! Aah!!!

M.I.S.S.

I miss him.Period.
My heart still belongs to him. Period.

I am grateful to be ME

i almost wanted to post a negative post again, coz this is the only avenue for me to vent out my feeling....... til i came across a video in youtube in my facebook feed. It was from The secret. Had long knew about the book and about the Law of attraction. We attract what we think and I should be positive always (I always try to). So, instead of posting a negative post about my feelings just now...... I decided to cheer up! and I am grateful for who I am!! Everyday will be a good day and I am thankful i'm alive. Its so simple to cheer me up once again =)

My heart

hatiku pedih di kala malam nan rembulan,
hatiku sakit tatakala mengenangkan nasib yg menimpaku,
hatiku berkecai, namun aku tabah untuk bangun semula,
hatiku tidaklah kuat seperti disangka.....
Aku cuma wanita lemah yang ingin dibelai, dimanja dan disayangi.

Senyuman di pagi hari, cuma untuk menutup air mata bergelinangan pada waktu malam.

Me time

I went back to square one. Today I'm free and manage to have my 'me' time. And yet again my mind start to wander.... I went to check out Fitflop warehouse sales at menara bata but didn't buy any. The sizes didn't fit me well. I do want to own a Fitflop myself considering I'm walking quite a lot. Then I went to my second home, 1 Utama ;) while walking to the gym I manage to buy a heels of my liking ;) Woman will never get enough shoes and heels. Back to my first line, going back to square one. I suddenly miss him so badly. I miss his attention he once gave me, miss his laughter and our endless conversation, miss the quality time we used to spend together, miss having him around, miss the love we once had.

I'm still loving you

Loyalty

In 'How to Love' by Gordon Livingston,
People to cherish: one of them is ppl with Loyalty. He ended the chapter with a series of questions. Criteria for determining loyalty at any age.
Does this person consistently tell the truth?
Is he there when u need him?
Does he keep his promises?
Are you confident that he will never intentionally hurt you?
Does he behave as if you are the centre of his life?
Do u, in short  completely trust him?
Does he evoke in you an effortless determination to be trustworthy?

sigh.... such straightforward questions and I am able to answer in without a blink. Answers are 90% no.
Conclusion: He isn't loyal to me even though i felt happy being with him. such an irony isn't it?

Still surviving

I survived! I survived V-day in the lab, with myself and with family.. Not that bad without him.
Inside i'm still thinking about him......aaah.....why we became like that? why is this happening?
Mixed emotions all the time. Sometimes very positive, sometimes all the negative emotions playing in my mind and paralyzed me... its so painful =(

Last week, I also survived going to kl to buy IT gadgets myself. I have to start doing thing by myself, coz no one will help me to stand up except Myself!!!!! He said before to help me reformat my laptop, will go hiking together, will go to Bali this year, will lead a healthy lifestyle together, will have a future home together. All these are just sayings of what he felt at THAT particular time only. He also said before that he wont leave me, that he love me........so many things that broke my heart...

I just let my tears flow...For 2 months it has been flowing...I have a bunch of friends who support me throughout and it makes me afraid to tell them anymore about my feelings... I felt i have said enough but i still cant mend my broken heart. It keeps coming back......aah.....angry 

after 2 years.....2012

So many things happened since CIVP(my last post). 2 years had passed. After CIVP, i got a job as a student counselor. Felt bored after few months of work and scout around for Masters opportunity. Entered a local university for Masters until now and today is the first day of my last semester!!! I can't believe it. I have to finish my bench work and write thesis and paper. oh my... so much to do, so little time...

Also, it has been a hard time for the past 2 months. Things that I did not expect to happen, happened. Things that i have been so comfortable and confident of, crashed me to pieces, even powdered my heart. I was at my lowest point of my life. Tears flew freely, with company of trusted family and friends. I can't hide my sadness. Even now, tears still flow whenever i thought of him.

I know things happened for a reason. Ah fei said God took away someone from me, he will give someone or something back to me. God Is very fair.

I need to focus on my research and thesis. Lab work that seem never ending, knowledge that seem never deep enough. Reading that never enough.. Lucky enough i have a bunch of labmates that support each other throughout our lab time =)