Numb hands

sitting in the cold library. trying to get things done but why is it not moving!!!
After doing so much and yet there are still so much to be done. oh my!

I left one main part for my thesis which is quite a big part!
Let me list down:
-check AFI results
-write about AFI
-discussion
-write about gross morphology, H&E results and immunostaining for 3 diff AB from 3 diff groups.
-discussion for all of the above!

which means i have 6 more sub topics to go! when can i finish! I need to submit thesis and then it will take about 6 months to be called for viva. omg!! i must submit soon before i fly.

Oh ya, not forgetting, summarizing the whole research study, correct my abstract and abstrak, and other many teeny wheeny parts of the thesis such as isi kandungan, list of graphs, pictures, acknowledgement. All of them in bahasa melayu. I'm gonna be a pakar BM already.

And publishing papers! Aiming for 2 papers! damn!

Howwwww....................................

Chatters in the laminar flow

Raining cats and dogs. Its better to stay in the lab than getting stuck in the jam while holding your pee.

Was chatting with sis rozi while doing some labwork. She shared her working experiences and opinions on working in gov and private sector. She said that when she looked at me, she remembered she was in my position last time. While writing her thesis for Masters last time, she did some part time job too. Same as me now. Limited money, scholarship ended and need to do odd jobs =(  and still struggling to write. I like to read, but not write, especially academic papers and my research papers.

Somehow our serious girl talk, went into talk about relationship. We can't help it. She shared her many ups and downs previously and now she is happily married with 2 kids with a loving husband. She wished the same for me too and told me to be patient. Tears streamed down my eyes, I dont wanna show that I teared, and luckily my specs and face mask were able to cover up a bit. I said 'siapa tak nak to have someone? Man need woman and vice versa. At that moment too, I suddenly I realised what I should do and it is very difficult to do it... It is nothing. I need not do anything at all.....

The most difficult thing to do is not to do anything.

p!nk - blow me (one last kiss)

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold,
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day (NO!)
Have you had a shit day? (NO!), we've had a shit day (NO!)
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,
Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left
No more sick whiskey dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, 'cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I will laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day (No!)
Have you had a shit day? (No!), we've had a shit day (No!)
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

Na na na na - da da da da
Blow me one last kiss

[Not in the music video version:]
Na na na na - da da da da
Blow me one last kiss

I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I will breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the why's, will all be crystal clear

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day (No!)
Have you had a shit day? (No!), we've had a shit day (No!)
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

Na na na na - da da da da
Na na na na - da da da da
Na na na na - da da da da

Blow me one last kiss.

Na na na na - da da da da
Na na na na - da da da da
Na na na na - da da da da
Blow me one last kiss.

[Not in the music video version:]
Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day (No!)
Have you had a shit day? (No!), we've had a shit day (No!)
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

This song is body pump's new release track for biceps! absolutely love it!!!! 

Forgive perhaps, forget never part 2

Oh my.... I'm fueled with anger once more. Anger with an ex, who was together for 5 n half years and almost always together a year after the break up. and since no contact, i was healed, almost healed. but today and right now, i am feeling angry.. Met up with a uni fren and somehow conversation diverted to him.. It isnt a good idea meeting up with old friends who knows both of us, who almost side him (coz he's a guy) but also said things to comfort me, things that i wanna hear.

U see, I'm not in love with ben anymore nor I want to. Previously i blocked and unblock him in Fb, and he isnt't my friend anymore in Fb which is good so that i no need to see pics and tagged places of him. But somehow since i unblock him, i can see public stuffs of his which is his profile pic. Previously my pic with him was alongside his new profile pic. Recently i saw it was removed. Or rather, I was removed. together with mobile uploads pictures of mine and i reckon he has new pictures there because it was updated a week ago....... Okayyy.......... i was looking at the little that i can see in his public profile and getting uneasy about it. I know i shouldnt see anymore......... but i cant stop it! that is y i blocked him again so to refrain myself for my itchy fingers.

Back to my anger........... Why am I still feeling this! I went to pump n combat in the gym to release out. But still, I feel the anger because he has someone new! he is just so lucky to have all the attraction. I am angry because he let me go easily. I am angry because he cannot commit. Good luck with this bitch now! I am angry he fall in love easily and choose some girl like that. so what if she is pretty with make up n contact lens on, but still..... when its removed, good luck to u... lol

On the other hand, after months of no contact, I am feeling very okay.........I know i should have let go much earlier but was stubborn until after being 'stabbed' in the heart for few more times by him, then only i am willing to fully let it go. I have my life, my colourful life to live and am very happy about it. I am lucky to have friends n family's support all through my life. I treat people nice, with my sincere heart without asking anything for return. For I am happy being me, to give unselfishly of my time, my listening ear, my help and advise if needed.

I'm lucky to have met men that opened up my mind and heart. I shall post about it in the next post =) Men that made me smile =))) Men that wear t-shirts, men that likes coffee, men that are so resourceful, men that are so man!!! oh my! =))))

My friend asked just now, Do you still believe in love??
I answered confidently, Yes! I believe =)

p!nk-Just give me a reason

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh
Things you never say to me oh oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happenin')
You've been havin' real bad dreams oh oh
You used to lie so close to me oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just random yo... nice melody.. 

Long black just msg me Good morning beautiful =)))) 

Le Ann Rimes - Some People

Isn't it a gamble
Layin' your heart out on the floor?
Nothin' short of a miracle
When you find the one you're looking for
It's another kind of trouble
Trying to hang on to who you are
When all you wanna do is lose yourself
In someone else's arms
Isn't it a wonder that we got this far?
Some people aren't lucky like us
Some people they just give up
When the hard times fall
The thrill of it all is gone
Leaves you in a cloud of dust
It's sad to think that some won't find it
And others won't recognize it even when it comes
We're all at the mercy of the will of love
Some people yeah, some people aren't lucky like us
Two lonely souls that just stumbled into fate
Look how much we've been given, babe
In spite of all of our mistakes
And I will never forget I've been blessed
With the gift of lovin' you, yeah
And when the going ain't easy, babe
A little faith will pull us through
Thank God we have each other we can hang onto, yeah
Some people aren't lucky like us
Some people they just give up
When the hard times fall
The thrill of it all is gone
Leaves you in a cloud of dust
It's sad to think that some won't find it
And others won't recognize it even when it comes
We're all at the mercy of the will of love
Some people aren't, some people aren't lucky like us
To have someone you can laugh with
Someone you can cry with
Tell all your secrets to
To have someone who won't judge you
Someone who just loves you
No matter what, they stand beside you
Some people aren't lucky like us
Some people they just give up
When the hard times fall
The thrill of it all is gone
Leaves you in a cloud of dust
It's sad to think that some are never gonna find it
And they won't recognize it even when it comes
We're all at the mercy of the will of love
Some people yeah, some people yeah
Some people aren't lucky like us, oh yeah
Some people aren't lucky like us