I'm still loving you

Loyalty

In 'How to Love' by Gordon Livingston,
People to cherish: one of them is ppl with Loyalty. He ended the chapter with a series of questions. Criteria for determining loyalty at any age.
Does this person consistently tell the truth?
Is he there when u need him?
Does he keep his promises?
Are you confident that he will never intentionally hurt you?
Does he behave as if you are the centre of his life?
Do u, in short  completely trust him?
Does he evoke in you an effortless determination to be trustworthy?

sigh.... such straightforward questions and I am able to answer in without a blink. Answers are 90% no.
Conclusion: He isn't loyal to me even though i felt happy being with him. such an irony isn't it?

Still surviving

I survived! I survived V-day in the lab, with myself and with family.. Not that bad without him.
Inside i'm still thinking about him......aaah.....why we became like that? why is this happening?
Mixed emotions all the time. Sometimes very positive, sometimes all the negative emotions playing in my mind and paralyzed me... its so painful =(

Last week, I also survived going to kl to buy IT gadgets myself. I have to start doing thing by myself, coz no one will help me to stand up except Myself!!!!! He said before to help me reformat my laptop, will go hiking together, will go to Bali this year, will lead a healthy lifestyle together, will have a future home together. All these are just sayings of what he felt at THAT particular time only. He also said before that he wont leave me, that he love me........so many things that broke my heart...

I just let my tears flow...For 2 months it has been flowing...I have a bunch of friends who support me throughout and it makes me afraid to tell them anymore about my feelings... I felt i have said enough but i still cant mend my broken heart. It keeps coming back......aah.....angry 

after 2 years.....2012

So many things happened since CIVP(my last post). 2 years had passed. After CIVP, i got a job as a student counselor. Felt bored after few months of work and scout around for Masters opportunity. Entered a local university for Masters until now and today is the first day of my last semester!!! I can't believe it. I have to finish my bench work and write thesis and paper. oh my... so much to do, so little time...

Also, it has been a hard time for the past 2 months. Things that I did not expect to happen, happened. Things that i have been so comfortable and confident of, crashed me to pieces, even powdered my heart. I was at my lowest point of my life. Tears flew freely, with company of trusted family and friends. I can't hide my sadness. Even now, tears still flow whenever i thought of him.

I know things happened for a reason. Ah fei said God took away someone from me, he will give someone or something back to me. God Is very fair.

I need to focus on my research and thesis. Lab work that seem never ending, knowledge that seem never deep enough. Reading that never enough.. Lucky enough i have a bunch of labmates that support each other throughout our lab time =)