Storm-proof Life

I've been following CCF online for about two months now since I came back from Manila. It feels like I'm attending the church over there and when the Pastor speaks, it feels like he is speaking right in front of me. It's always in me, that I don't feel enlighten to follow any one religion. I've been exposed to many religions, be it Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and even at some point in time, I even would consider Islam if my fate is with a Muslim man. I just leave the religion option open, as if I'm waiting for the right man with the right religion appears to guide me. It shouldn't be this way. It is about my relationship with God, not depending on someone to make this relationship works.

 Anyway, this time around, I try my best to follow the live streaming of the Sunday service. Sometimes I leave it on, just let it play and listening from time to time. Sometimes, I follow but felt sleepy. Sometimes, I listened while multitasking. Hmmm......when sayang ask me what's the take on message each time? I couldn't answer. I have no answer and I do not know what am I doing all these while. Sayang's answer was simple, 'You follow but you're not focusing. You felt sleepy because you're not focusing'. I sing the songs, but without wholeheartedly immersing myself in the meaning of worshiping. So, yesterday I focus while following the 0900 hours service. 

The take on message was we are the disciples. We are the messenger. Not the source. If God is true, it is of infinite importance; not moderately important. God cannot be moderately important.

Are we taking God for granted? Do we pray to God only to solve your problems? Are you angry when your problems are not solve? We are not promised a storm-free life when you believe in Jesus, rather a storm-proof life. 

I hope to be able to pen down more take on message each time I follow the sermon.

Vulnerable Cloud

Sayang, I miss you so much!!!!!!!!! I know I've said this many times but I wanna say it again, I miss you sayang.... I can't wait to be in your arms again, cuddles and hugs. To be truly open and vulnerable to someone takes a lot of courage. I've always been courageous, and will be for this one last time. My mended heart is strong for this soaring love, OUR LOVE.

Change

Sometimes, we have to let go of certain things, certain privileges, certain comfort, certain luxuries, in order to experience something totally different. New environment, no prior knowledge. This is what I call a CHALLENGE, where the word CHANGE is in it. Bring it on! I can do it! =)

Familiarity Breeds Negativity

Recently I got a one month pass to my old gym for free! I was excited as it's free and I get to join Zumba!*i like to move it, move it... LOL It has been 2 years since I left this gym and going back there brought back lots of memories and past familiarity. You see, it was at this gym I learned and join all the classes from Body Combat, Body Pump, Zumba, Yoga, RPM, fast fit, aerobic dance and basic steps. It was also here I spent my time after a break up at that time. It brought back lots of negative emotions. The main class where I work my a$$ off, to push myself further in order to heal. The same washroom where I cried and quickly wiped away my tears so that people wouldn't notice. The same locker where I keep my things and also where I sit to read back old messages. I went for Zumba and Power Jump. Different instructors, different feelings and it doesn't feel good anymore. Something is wrong somewhere, I felt disturbed emotionally. Some classes are still being held at the same time, same day and same instructors. Even some of the regular members are still there albeit looked older. However, it doesn't pull me in into their class anymore.

After today's class, I've decided to just stop going to that gym anymore. The sense of familiarity is too intense and I've already moved on with my life. I do not want to go back to that negative state again. Happiness is My Choice.

Ikaw - Yeng Constantino

"Ikaw"

Sa pagpatak ng bawat oras ay ikaw
Ang iniisip-isip ko
Hindi ko mahinto pintig ng puso
Ikaw ang pinangarap-ngarap ko
Simula nung matanto
Na balang araw iibig ang puso

Ikaw ang pagibig na hinintay
Puso ay nalumbay ng kay tagal
Ngunit ngayo'y nandito na ikaw
Ikaw ang pagibig na binigay
sa akin ng may kapal
Biyaya ka sa buhay ko
Ligaya't pagibig ko'y ikaw

Humihinto sa bawat oras ng tagpo
Ang pagikot ng mundo
Ngumingiti ng kusa aking puso
Pagkat nasagot na ang tanong
Nagaalala noon kung may magmamahal
sa 'kin ng tunay

Ikaw ang pagibig na hinintay
Puso ay nalumbay ng kay tagal
Ngunit ngayo'y nandito na ikaw
Ikaw ang pagibig na binigay
Sa akin ng may kapal
Biyaya ka sa buhay ko
Ligaya't pagibig ko'y ikaw

At hindi pa 'ko umibig
Ng ganto at nasa isip
Makasama ka habang buhay

Ikaw ang pagibig na hinintay
Puso ay nalumbay ng kay tagal
Ngunit ngayo'y nandito na ikaw
Ikaw ang pagibig na binigay
sa akin ng may kapal
Biyaya ka sa buhay ko
Ligaya't pagibig ko'y ikaw

Ikaw ang pagibig na hinintay
Puso ay nalumbay ng kay tagal
Ngunit ngayo'y nandito na ikaw
Ikaw ang pagibig na binigay
sa akin ng may kapal
Biyaya ka sa buhay ko
Ligaya't pagibig ko'y ikaw

Pagibig ko'y ikaw

Lyrics from Azlyrics.com

Fell in love with this song, Ikaw - You.

I feel loved

a Fishery science graduate and a medical science graduate-to-be. Enjoy simplest things in life-a smile from a stranger, helping people and peaceful time on my own. Anticipating the day my heart is drawn to another's heart.

Aah....those captions in my profile! Many things has changed since then. Completed Masters 2 years plus ago and has been working and traveling and trying lots of new stuff and culture. I always love to improve myself, to learn, unlearn, relearn. To read, stop and reread . Well, if you stumbled upon this little piece of me, thank you for reading! I appreciate it. Over the years, I only remember this sweet vintage when I'm emotionally down, has no one to talk to and just wanna share my feelings to the whole world. I just need to get it out, you know what I mean.

I still and will always will enjoy the simplest things in life, a smile from a stranger, it can even be from the cleaner of the building. A simple 'Good Morning' to the uncle that is enjoying his walk at the Lake Gardens, The foreigner aunty that serve my favourite wan tan mee soup and said 'Thank you Ah Moi', dinner time with family and the once in a blue moon dinner cooked by my bro.

Haha...and anticipating the day my heart is drawn to another. Hmm...this is kinda a surprise. It is true that Love happens when you least expected it. All the while, the focus is Myself, You gotta be a little selfish about this, but you gotta Love Yourself First, before you can love others. Be good to yourself, be the best version of yourself.

I feel loved =)
*all smiles*

Ed Sheeran - Photograph

The lyrics sums up all that I felt right now...It's a beautiful song and melody.


                                                       "Photograph"                                                      

Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know (know)
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me
That's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me to come home [4x]

Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were 16
Next to your heartbeat
Where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me
Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
"Wait for me to come home."

cited from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/edsheeran/photograph.html

Bravery in a cloudy night

I did something courageous a few days back. Something that I never do before and will never do again. To clear my mind, to clarify my direction and to know where I stand. It did not occur to me that I will tell him that night, as we chat and discuss along, I felt a strong urge to ask, I know I need to get it off my chest, if not I will miss the opportunity and not sure when I will be brave enough again. I don't want the attachment feeling sets in and I will fall even deeper for him. Even though uncomfortable, I blurted out, and dare not look at him, heart pounding as quick as it can.... and I told him the truth as I do not want to waste time wondering and hoping and dreaming about him.

Even though the outcome isn't as positive that I hope for, I am able to accept it. I felt relieved that I know the answer instead of several months or years later. I was feeling numb for a while until the next morning, went for body combat class, cried a lil, had a breakfast feast of dim sum and kopi ping and went to work. I was still not feeling that ok and booked my 2 girlfriends for the night.

He has all the characteristics that I like and I want in my husband-to-be. Someone that I admire, someone that I look up to, Someone who motivates, guides and pushes me, Someone who is interesting and we shared lots of laughter. Someone who can control me and I am willing to be submissive to. Am not sure whether he knows that I think highly of him. Probably, he felt I'm too good or he himself is not confident?

Earlier that day, I saw the quote 'If you never ask, the answer will always be no'. Probably this is also one of the reason why I'm so brave to ask. Besides, 2 Sagi friends of mine also had the same opinion.

Many people think that I'm a strong woman, which in fact I may look strong in the outside, but i'm as weak and meek in the inside. Deep inside I long for someone to love and be loved. Someone who wants me as much as I want him. Someone to get up with every morning..

My Ultimate Dreams

My One and Only.

Wondering when can I write a post with the above title for real. Instead of waiting for the day, I write it first so that it will come true. You have to always think about your dreams. You gotta dream big and always stand firm in believing your dreams will come true. Yes! It will!! *smiling*

Just always keep your dreams in mind, 
everything else will come later =) 

The above statement was sent by a friend to me. I've set my goals in a tiny little notebook but less that he knows, my ultimate goal, is him! He is my dreams!  From my first sight of him, I've drawn to him. It's chemistry right. Sometimes I feel he felt the same way too, but sometimes I feel it's good to be friends first. Aaah.... I felt so comfortable with him. I already felt that he is My One and Only Man.

Make you feel my love

The lyrics are apt, this song was played in church when I was feeling exactly like what Adele is singing. 

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I will never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
And I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

Coffee and Potato Bread

"Wah...have to open door for you!"
That was what he said when I entered his car.
I wasn't completely sure that that was his car as it was the first time he came to pick me from my office for lunch. It was our second meeting.

The first was at a cafe where we were waiting for each other inside the cafe but he was seated inside, while I waited for him at a seat near the entrance. We shared a chocolate cake during the first meeting. How odd was that. Well, first impression was good. He's so handsome (exclaimed my lil heart!) As I already ordered and paid for my cappuccino, I told the cashier to send it over to the other table. He is tall, he is dark and he is handsome =)))))))))))))) We started chatting and it went on and on until the cafe is closing. Then we had to leave, he walked me to my car (he said "I'm a gentleman".......lol) and we said Good bye.

2 days later he asked me whether I'm free for lunch as he was nearby. So, I entered his car. We decided to eat at a Punjabi restaurant as I said there's a capati place near my office. I recommended 'potato bread', a kind of capati but with potato stuffing. Its an intermediate between capati and naan. He loves it! He truly enjoyed the lunch.

He asked 'Why suddenly so quiet'....... that's me, haha......
Sometimes I talk a lot, Sometimes I just stay quiet.

While waiting for our potato bread, he took a piece of banana cake from the counter. Peeled it into half and gave it to me. It was so good! Not too sweet, home made and it reminisced the school days where we bring our food for recess time.

While we head to the counter to pay, he said  "Can I buy you lunch?"
I nodded (smiling in my heart).

He sent me back to my office and chatted a bit more. We kinda clicked =))
He joked  "You like dark one right?

(Yeah, I do....*smiling like a crazy woman*)

Sha-sha

Well, life is like a roller coaster, sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. Same goes to happy times, they are temporary but it will happen again. I'm grateful to be able to experience many many happy moments, picking up the positives from each person, suppressing the negatives. But I only want to share all the ups and downs with one special someone. 

I do not know whether this person already appear, 

I hope he does. I hope it's him. 

Albeit knowing the chances are slim. 

I still hope its prince.

Sugar make things sweet, 

You sweeten up my life,

With 10 days sugar-free diet

Race isn't an issue, 

I have different taste and so do you, 

I want you #you

Beehoon and Idli

'Do you want the eggs to be cut into strips? or halved?'

That was how it began. Few days ago, I fell sick and a direct phone call arrives and there it goes.... a long list of pantang-larang and things-to-do. I never felt so taken care of =) Usually, I'm the one that is worried of the other party but this time it is the other way round.

It felt good.

Mechanic and Tequila shots

This exact expression left a tickle in my heart. We will always have something to laughed about that night, an unexpected brief encounter.  

Permanent change comes from within, no one can give it to you.

"One of the most loving things you can do for another person is let them make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and endure in the contrast of a life they don't really want. People only really change when they've hit rock bottom - sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a person is to let them and be there to help pick up the pieces. Permanent change comes from within, no one can give it to you."

- Jackson Kiddard

I've got buttered

Holly, It gets better each time!

Lil' Reminders - Being Grateful

"When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears."

- Tony Robbins, is a best-selling author, speaker and master motivator.

"What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life."

- Oprah Winfrey, an amazing human being.

"Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life."

- Dr. Christiane Northrup, is an M.D. and best-selling author.

Shrek and fiona

Where is Prince Charming? or my Shrek?
*pouts*

Jim Brickman - The Gift

I'm so in love with this song and I want it to be played during my wedding! aaah... march in song? is it suitable? lol

Andrea Bocelli - Love in Portofino

This is the official video for Andrea Bocelli's Love in Portofino. He performed in Portofino, Italy and it was mesmerising. I watched the movie concert of his and I felt like I was right there listening to his wonderful, powerful and distinct voice. I especially like one song, Champagne but I couldn't find the video for that song. Do listen and it automatically put you into a mood for love. At least, it does for me =)

I'm trying to win tickets for his actual concerts in Malaysia in May... *excited!* coz I know who I will ask to be my partner if I do win the tix! hehe